Well then here we go

Don't you hate it when...

...a small rodent eats all the cheese and still escapes from the cat?

...you lock your keys in your car?

...you break your window of your car only to realize that you really didn't lock your keys in the car, but instead dropped them underneath your car where you couldn't see them?

...you get pulled over by a cop on your way home after breaking your window because you were "litering" with the glass shards?

...a girl/guy acts like they are your girlfriend/boyfriend and they aren't?

...the before mentioned pulling over finds you without your liscence or insurance?

...you have to go to jail for no lisence or insurance?

...the cops strip search you?

...your pastor drives by as you are getting strip searched by the cops?

...the rest of the funeral that you just left drives by as you are getting strip searched by the cop?

...you accidentally end up mooning your boss because of the afore mentioned strip search?

...you can't get rid of feelings for someone, and you really don't want to?

...you see flashes reflected off of the other windows of your car as you are mooning the people because of the strip search?

...you realize those flashes are from cameras?

...you hear laughter from behind you and you know it is directed towards you? (This applies to all situations)

...you have to beat your friend in a match, and they really wanted to win?

...your friend loses a match?

...the cops finger your hole to insure you don't have drugs there? (By the way, we are at the jailhouse now)

...the cops put you in the "gay" cell because they think you are homosexual because you part your hair to the side, and it slightly covers one eye? (Which by the way does not mean you are gay, only that you enjoy that type of hair style, but you are probably going to change it after you get out of jail so you aren't put in that cell again)

...the women in the jailhouse are bigger men than the men? (They are where we get the artificial testosterone from)

...little remarks after every little statement or question that someone says? (Like this one!)

...the looks you get from the people in that cell you were put in?

...knowing that you arent going to get any sleep if you don't want to have to crap our your mouth? (Southpark reference)

people that dont use any punctuation in their sentences

...having thirteen eyes watching you as you use the restroom?

...saying something and having no idea where it is coming from?

...making plans and then having them taken away from you at the last second by your parents?

...only getting 4 hours of sleep a night?

...being to lazy to go pee?

...having to wait 5 days to download something that should only take 5 hours?

...not knowing what to do?

...liking more than one person at once?

...wanting more than one person at once?

...having more than one person wanting you back at the same time?

...staying awake during class?

...not having work? (Which means no paycheck)

...reading all this and still not knowing what is going on with me?

...reading all this and still not knowing what is going on with me?

...reading all this and still not knowing what is going on with me?

...knowing that probably only a few of the things on here are really what is going on with me, but everything else is just to throw you off?

...i love you?

Have you ever seen something so beautiful that you cannot stop looking at it?  And the more you look at it, the more you want it.  You see it and you start to believe that this is one of the most beautiful things in the world.  You want it so badly, but at the same time, you realize just how fragile something that beautiful is.  You would never want to hurt it or destroy it, but you cannot trust yourself to take possession of it because you are afraid you will do just that.  This thing, this piece of art that seems to be created by God himself, it just too valuable for you to have.  But you still want it, and are unwilling to stop wanting it.  Because you know that if you dont take it while it is available to you, you may lose that chance to get it.  This thing is so wonderful, so magnificent that you just get a goofy looking grin on your face everytime you see it.  It is not that you want to smile, you just cannot help but smile when you see it.  That is the beauty of this thing.  People look at you funny because you get all happy and goofy when you are near it, but you cant let them know you want it, or they might try to hinder you from taking it, or worse, take it themselves.  It is so frustrating to act like you dont see it and dont want it, even when it is right in front of your eyes, staring back at you, begging you to take it. 

That is where I am today...  I have an obsession with beautiful things.

well, in case you didnt already know...

I am home from Brazil...

I have so much to say, but i dont know how to say it.  I am tired.  but it is a good tired.  and it will only get worse until it gets better. 

I either am or am going to be going through a dark time.  maybe that time is now, and i just dont realize it.  no worries though, my eyes will be open to it. 

I smelt her the other day.  It wasnt really her, but it was her smell.  i was standing there, and it just surrounded me and i froze.  I froze?  I froze.  all i could do was just stand there and be carried away in memories and feelings and emotions.  there was no time, there was no reality.  there was only me and the smell and her.  all in my mind.  and i froze.  soo many things, and yet it was all just an instant.  who could have know whe had that much power over me.

i like reading.  it takes me away.

i like being taken away.  i like going somewhere that noone else that i know is.  i then become a part of the story and live out that character's life.  I have lived so many lives in my time, that i feel old even though my own life is just beginning. 

i want to learn how to fight.  and not spar like they teach me, but to fight.  I want a sword/katana/fencing sword/broadsword/ anything i can get my hands on.  i want to learn how to use it.  to have something so cold become part of me.  would it make me colder?  could i become colder by merging myself with these weapons of steel?  cold hands = cold heart.  but what about a cold heart.  what does that equal?

i am cold.  i am sitting here, sweating like crazy, yet i am cold.  maybe i am sick.  am i sick?  that would not be good.  then maybe i got someone else sick.  maybe i got everyone sick.  or was it they that gave me this illness. 

illness.  it is a weakness.  yet the strongest are the weakest.  but the weakest are not the strongest.  so how do i become strong?  do i become weak?  or do i have to become strong to realize my weakness?  but then does that mean that the stronger i become the weaker i really am. 

what is weakness.  i cant pick up a truck, but yet i am not weak.  who defines these things?  i am the definition of my own strength and yet i am also my own downfall and weakness.  i cant change my actions, and control is something that i must fight for hourly. 

control.  how can one control what he does not understand?  the thoughts and imaginations are what stand in my way, yet i cannot get rid of them.  they are my thorn, and yet i derive comfort from them. are they the tool which lets me know that i am human?  but then the questions of humanity are raised. 

 i have class tomorrow. 

i am going to sleep.